My mom is seeking a kidney donor. Here’s a letter she wrote to share. If you or someone you know is interested, please reach out or visit LivingDonorDallas.org. My family and I will be eternally grateful.
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It may seem obvious, given the title I gave this blog, but I still have to remind myself nearly every day that life really is about the journey. If you can’t find happiness along the way, you're doing it wrong.
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While there is a whole lot we don’t yet know about infertility (and reproductive health and women’s health in general), we do know one thing: the risk of miscarriage decreases over the first few weeks of pregnancy. This simple fact can be incredibly important for anyone experiencing pregnancy after loss. One of the many ways that trauma brain shows up is that it has a really hard time focusing on the positives — even when they are the most likely scenario. So when you can’t trust yourself, trust the data.
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To honor this week — National Infertility Awareness Week — and in an attempt to pay it forward to others experiencing infertility, I’m sharing some learnings that helped me along my journey. I hope they make yours a little easier. Helping others is one of the greatest gifts of life. Asking for help is giving that gift to someone else. A partner. A friend. A therapist. A community of strangers in a Facebook group who talk in code: “ISO MEN in Dallas, TX.” (IYKYK)
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If you’re struggling to believe that something can be real, I encourage you to look for the numbers, the books, and the research. As humans, we’re hardwired to focus on the negative, but more often than not, it’s not only possible but likely that the thing you want can happen. This isn’t about the power of positive thinking (although I’d like to start doing more of this). It’s about being informed and knowing the numbers so you don’t spiral (because I’d like to start doing less of this).
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This weekend I traveled to Hochatown, Oklahoma, population 242 + 1 Bigfoot. Ask anyone in town and they’ll have a story to tell about the history and legendary sightings. They either truly believe or they choose to believe because it’s better than the alternative and makes for a richer experience.
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Contrary to what people might think, putting the word “just” in front of something does not, in fact, make it easier. “Why don’t you just get a surrogate?” is a question I’ve fielded dozens of times throughout my unexpected and unexplained infertility journey. So I thought I’d share a glimpse into what answering that question is like for me (and what I imagine it’s like for some other women in my shoes).
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Imagine being ready to run your first-ever marathon. You’ve trained for months, putting in the physical and mental work to make this day possible. Your body is in the best shape it’s ever been, your diet is on point, and you know without a doubt: you are ready.
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Matrescence is a pivotal transition period, filled with many of the same ups, downs, big questions, and even bigger hormonal changes as adolescence, but it hasn’t been studied much or written about until very recently. As it turns out, the process of becoming a mother is anything but linear. But how should I have known?
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I have this recurring dream that I’m stuck in an elevator that keeps going up and down, though I haven’t pushed any buttons. I can’t escape, can’t communicate with anyone. I have a tiny bit of hope every time it changes direction, only to come back to where I started. I have never felt more stuck.
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There is no use in hiding your messes, your struggles, your trying-to-figure-outs, your biggest fears, or your greatest hopes. In my experience, you can either choose to take on the world by yourself or have the support of everyone you know behind you along the way.
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Here’s the part of the birds-and-bees convo that usually gets skipped over but would be helpful for about 17% of the population who are experiencing infertility. When a couple really loves one another and can’t seem to make a baby, that’s where IVF comes in.
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The thing they don’t tell you about IVF is all of the waiting.
I was planning to share a week-in-the-life-style story, but the last month has been full of absolutely nothing. It’s been full of waiting.
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This Mother’s Day, I’m sharing my most personal and toughest journey, and it’s not about my most recent embryo transfer (that’s a story for another time). This is about my journey to discover joy amidst grief. And in case you need it, this is your permission to live your life, do the things you love, travel, explore, smile, laugh — even while grieving.
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Infertility is just one part of my story, yet it would be pretty easy to let it consume me. I’ve seen that be true of others around me (both friends and strangers on the internet). And the only advice I can think to give is this: it’s not all bad. In fact, most of it is pretty incredible. I know that may sound crazy, but hear me out.
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“I’m so happy I could cry tears of joy,” I said as I collapsed into my husband Alex’s arms.
Anyone who knows me knows I’m not a tears-of-joy (or tears-of-sadness) kind of person. It takes a lot to make me cry. But the amazing people I’ve met through Conceive have turned me into an emotional mess — in the best way.
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I’ve been asked a few times about this journey and what it’s like — almost as if I’ve been living a double life and people want a peek into it. That’s pretty accurate, with all of the behind-the-scenes research, sleuthing to appointments in the wee hours of the morning, and secretly doing drugs on bathroom breaks. :)
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If 1 in 5 women experience infertility, where are they all hiding?
This was one of my first thoughts after first learning about my “unexplained” and completely unexpected infertility diagnosis. In my 35 years of life, I had met exactly two people who had undergone fertility treatments (one was a friend from my teaching days and the other was a same-sex couple).
Well, I finally found them earlier this week.
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We all have messes that become our messages. Causes so close to us they become part of us. Movements that literally move us — to act, to vote, to write, to share. Sometimes it takes time and effort to find that cause. And sometimes it takes a doctor telling you over Zoom that you have a 3% chance of having children.
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