Pregnancy by the Numbers

The Lesson Learned

If you’re struggling to believe that something can be real, I encourage you to look for the numbers, the books, and the research. As humans, we’re hardwired to focus on the negative, but more often than not, it’s not only possible but likely that the thing you want can happen. This isn’t about the power of positive thinking (although I’d like to start doing more of this). It’s about being informed and knowing the numbers so you don’t spiral (because I’d like to start doing less of this).

The Journey

Nearly four years after our infertility diagnosis, one month after our fourth failed transfer, and one day after our second call with a surrogacy agency, I found out I was pregnant.

Today marks 28 weeks of that pregnancy. That’s about 20 weeks longer than our seven previous attempts.

I often think about these things in terms of numbers because they are rational. They provide hope. And for the longest time, no numbers on this journey seemed to be on our side. I was in the 1% of nearly every stat — number of losses, different types of losses, embryo transfer success rate, and more. So with every passing day, week, and month of this pregnancy, I began trusting in numbers again. Numbers make sense. Numbers add up. Numbers mark the passing of time. They make it possible to go on.


At first, I tracked the milestones we hadn’t yet hit before:

  • Made it past the longest pregnancy we’ve ever had (8 weeks 1 day)

  • Made it to the chromosome test (10 weeks)

  • Made it to the second trimester (13 weeks)

Then, I began keeping a log of each appointment’s lab results:

  • HCG level

  • Estrogen level

  • Progesterone level

  • Thyroid level

And finally, when those numbers were no longer relevant, I started to track things that made it feel real:

  • The heartbeat 🙂

  • Baby’s weight 🙂

  • My weight gain 🙂

Slowly but surely, the numbers were on our side. To this day, I write down these numbers at every appointment.

For the last four years, it was often hard to imagine that we’d be here. It still feels surreal most days. The numbers help. 

If you’re experiencing infertility or pregnancy after loss, I’m happy to share what numbers, books, and research have helped me. Reach out anytime.

Lane LoweComment