Stuck

I have this recurring dream that I’m stuck in an elevator that keeps going up and down, up and down, though I haven’t pushed any buttons. I can’t escape, can’t communicate with anyone. I have a tiny bit of hope every time it changes direction, only to come right back to where I started. 

I have never felt more stuck. Trapped between two places with no idea how to get where I want to go, no way out. Unable to think about any decisions other than ones related to escaping. Paralyzed by the fear of the unknown future and if I’ll even get there.

My husband always rescues me, so at least there is a happy ending. And I wake up reminded that he is enough. We are enough. This life we have built is enough. 

I am not stuck; I am lucky. 

I am not in control, but I can control my response — my emotions, my intentions, my choices, my actions. 

I always wake up. 

I am not dreaming; I am living. 

And I am sharing this for anyone else who may be feeling stuck in the messy middle, too. Keep going. The only way is up.